In our relationship, I expect Him to lay down rules and expectations.

I am finding that as our relationship evolves and we look toward our future, I appreciate that He is communicating goals to me with and clear expectations of my participation or role in meeting such goals.

Rules don’t pay as much of a role in our life together as much as His expectations do. There are very few hard rules given to me, so I understand when He does give me a rule that it is very important to Him.

There is a difference between rules and expectations for sure. When He expressed the expectation that once we move, He would prefer that I manage the finances, He didn’t have to make it a rule. He can simply express His preference with the understanding that I will follow His direction completely. I understand clearly without further discussion that He does not in any way intend for me to run our finances independently. Rather, I know inherently that He will expect me to manage our finances under His direction to the betterment of our family.

While we don’t have many rituals in place yet, that is something I look forward to implementing. Our only ritual currently in place is messaging each other first thing each morning and last thing each night before we sleep.

In the future, I am hoping we can implement some subtle rituals at home that will incorporate service and submission into our every day life. While I am unashamed of my role in our relationship or our dynamic, we do have children and will be living in a small town. Rituals will be a way I can openly honor my submission to Him while still being discrete and protecting our children.

When together, we have rituals that I enjoy, such as starting His shower for Him, attending to His every need. I enjoy making sure that He is cared for appropriately and He feels loved by my service.

Although I don’t want our relationship to become heavily structured, I do enjoy a sense of accomplishment in my service to Him and look forward to being capable of submitting more than I am currently.

Guess what I was overlooking as a submissive until a massive screw up tonight?

Attention to detail.

As a submissive, when serving Him I need to have every base covered. As I’ve learned tonight, not anticipating every possible need will lead to situations which are frustrating and unacceptable to Him. While there may be issues that arise which are beyond my control, not caring enough to pay attention to the minor details can lead to major mishaps.

Rather than being focused only on the task as He gives it to me, and concentrating on meeting His basic expectations, I must look at every angle and exceed His expectations every time without exception.

Tonight, I was too wrapped up in parenting and household tasks and didn’t focus on His needs as much as I should have. I let outside influences take over, and failed to see when a costly mistake was made. My lack of attention to detail meant that I overlooked several clues to something going wrong and failed to correct my oversight before it impacted Him.

As His submissive, if anyone is to be inconvenienced, it should be me. It is never acceptable for Him to suffer the consequences of my carelessness.

In the future, I must slow down, focus on His directive and all that it requires, and make sure that all details are handled to His benefit. I must make myself available to Him to assist in any way possible.

One of my jobs as His submissive is to simplify His life. I must learn to anticipate His needs, to ensure that every detail has been carefully thought out and planned for, and that above all, His participation is minimal and easy. I cannot expect Him to offer me grace for situations when I overlook His safety and comfort.

So there you have it. The most overlooked quality as His submissive until tonight. Attention to detail. Folks, it’s vital.

It is never acceptable to break the rules that He lays down for me.

There, I said it.

He gives me so few rules and guidelines, but when He does, I should understand clearly how important these must be to Him. If He specifies a rule, it is because it has meaning to Him. Whether for my own safety, the better of our relationship, or for His own peace of mind, any rule He lays down should always be respected.

Even more so, when He gives me rules for playing with others, I must respect them above anything else. I must learn to assert myself to others if they attempt to do anything with or to me that He has ruled out. I must let go of my fear of ruining the fun for everyone else and focus only on his pleasure always, above everything else.

When I find myself in situations where I must chose between respecting His rules and feeling as if I may disappoint someone else, I must remind myself that no one else matters. His is the only opinion I care about, and He is the only person who matters. I must be confident in myself enough to stop something or change something out of respect and love for Him, no matter the consequence.

Following His rules not only shows Him that I respect Him and care for Him above all else, but shows Him that I am willing to submit to Him in any situation.

There is never a time when I should expect Him to adhere to rules when I myself am not willing to in the first place.

In fact, I shouldn’t expect Him to have rules in place at all. I should trust Him to understand my concerns or feelings and to respect them without further discussion. It is never my job as the submissive to put rules in place for Him.

He gives me rules and guidelines for His own reasons. I should never question Him. I should never offer justification for breaking His rules. If I do break His rules, I should accept my fault honestly and openly, and accept His punishment with gratitude.

As my Dominant, it is His right to determine what is right and my job to respect His decisions wholeheartedly.

Making excuses, attempting to explain myself, justifying my misdeeds all only serve to continue to undermine His authority and my submission to Him. I must learn to accept my own failures. To be fair, the goal is to get to a place in our relationship where I don’t make mistakes or break His rules at all. It may be a long road to get there, apparently.

As His property, I must be focused on His happiness at any cost. There should never be a moment where I feel compelled to chose anyone else over Him. His rules are in place for a reason and as His submissive I must accept His guidelines without question and not try to make rules for Him in return.

In the beginning of our relationship, spanking was one of the punishments He would enact when necessary.

It’s a fine line with spanking, though. I enjoy it thoroughly.

Because He will never invoke pleasure/pain play without also practicing good aftercare, spanking ends up being less of a punishment and more of a win for me. I enjoy the pleasure/pain stimulus but even more so, I crave that deep connection with Him that comes from the spankings.

At one point, He used a ball gag on me during a spanking session. The ball gag was the punishment.

The problem there is that wearing the gag turned Him on. Immensely. So guess what? Now I love the stupid thing. I even bought a new one that wouldn’t cut the corners of my mouth and had a “sexier” look to it.

So while He will often try to incorporate corporal punishment into our discipline procedures, the truth is we both enjoy it too much for it to be a true punishment.

Discipline and punishment is an inevitable component of most D/s relationships and admittedly, it is something I am challenged with in my relationship with Him.

He has always been thoughtful about punishment, and never punishes when angry. He is careful to be sure that I understand the reason for the punishment and to give me aftercare once the punishment has been meted out.

For us, the new challenge is punishment over long distance. Unfortunately for us, neither of us does well with separation. Contact and connection are vital. One of the lessons I have learned recently is that to withdraw connection as punishment is detrimental to the relationship and negates any recent progress made. Almost any Dominant I’ve spoken to in the last three months has shared with me that they are averse to ever using withdrawl as punishment as it tends to lead to break up.

I have learned from other D/s couples that many do not punish if the submissive fails at something new. Some enforce a “grace period”, allowing the submissive to explore openly and safely without fear of repercussion. This security is valuable when exploring a new level of relationship.

I don’t enjoy punishment at all, in any form, as it is a reminder that I have failed Him. Fear of disappointing Him is a great motivator for me. Knowing that He doesn’t derive enjoyment from enacting punishment upsets me as well, as that is something that my failure has forced Him to carry. Punishment for my failures affects both of us.

I think the root of my submission comes from a traditional upbringing and my need to nurture and care for those around me.

I do think that submission can be a relationship management tool when both Dominant and submissive are focused on shaping the dynamic properly.

For me, submission goes beyond the bedroom. Submission to Him is a lifestyle choice. When I fail in my submission, our relationship falls apart. Serving Him properly requires great love.

I appreciate serving Him where needed. He recently stated a preference, saying He wanted me to handle finances in the future, and it was a big milestone for us. He has never really given me a specific role to fill for Him before and knowing He felt comfortable enough to express a need made me feel wanted and useful.

My submission to Him is based out of my need to nurture and care for those that I love, but it is motivated by knowing that He feels loved when I submit to Him properly.

Recently I’ve questioned whether it’s acceptable for me to have limits and boundaries with Him. This is tough for me, as submitting to Him properly tends to include deferring to His judgement in all things. Shouldn’t a good submissive trust her Dominants decisions always? Shouldn’t a good submissive be capable of complete selflessness?

I think I’m a good submissive. I definitely have potential. I’ve learned a lot from our past failures. I am devoted to Him, to creating the life we both want for us and for our children. I am focused on serving Him in every way possible. I work to improve daily so that I can be the best submissive possible for Him.

Does having a limit make me less of a successful submissive, then?

To be honest, I’m not sure. I feel that limits displease Him, and cause Him to distance Himself from me. He wants me to trust Him implicitly, but I’m find that not all of my limits have to do with a lack of trust.

Sometimes limits are just a matter of respecting myself, valuing my relationship with Him above all else, and staying focused on our values as a couple.

Having limits means bringing my thoughts to Him, and trusting Him to understand. I still submit to His judgement. I am still a good submissive. I’m trusting Him to understand me like no one ever has. Having limits means trusting Him to make me feel safe in his care always.

This is a tough subject for me as I know He would prefer that I never discuss previous Dominants in my life.

I would honestly say that He is my first and only true Dominant.

My first attempt at D/s was when I was married. I expressed an interest to my then husband, and he attempted to bring some D/s play into the bedroom. It simply didn’t work for us. He wasn’t a true Dominant, and I’m not one for role play. It was painful, awkward, and the trust and love just wasn’t there.

The next foray into D/s was a slight step above, but not by far. He was kind and thoughtful, and for the most part we were very close friends. The D/s play was spicy, and exciting, but still left me feeling confused and frustrated. The aftercare wasn’t adequate, and we both struggled with balancing my role in our relationship.

The third attempt at D/s was with someone who was more of a natural Dominant, but still wasn’t the right fit for me. I found myself often Topping from the Bottom, trying desperately to steer our D/s play into a more fulfilling direction. Physically, the D/s play was more rough than I was used to and never was prepared for. Ultimately I recognized that I wasn’t capable of submitting to him fully as he just wasn’t the right Dominant for me, and we broke up.

With Him, everything was different. He was curious about D/s and gave the subject a lot of thought and research. He discussed everything with me, making sure we were on the same page always. He told me He felt He was a more “Loving Dominant” and wanted to dive right in.

He was the perfect fit. He treats me with respect, never degrading me. He makes me feel treasured and cared for. Even while being disciplined, He is still careful with me. Never before have I felt more fulfilled in a relationship. Being allowed to serve Him so fully is an absolute dream come true for me. He makes me feel both wanted and owned in ways I never dreamed were possible.

My relationship with Him is completely unique and impossible to define. We take ideas and suggestions from others and work together to create a dynamic that works best for us.

He is absolutely the perfect Dominant for me. My dream come true.

I am fully submissive to Him and in no way capable of being a Switch. I’m absolutely content with this, actually.

In our relationship, He is in charge. I find that we are both most content in our relationship this way, and have no desire to change this.

I look to Him to set the pace in our relationship.

In moving our relationship forward, there are some things that I would prefer to be partners in more than submissive and Dominant. However, I’m finding that if I communicate my feelings clearly to Him, He takes this into account and is always sure to meet my needs.

In the past, I’ve been accused of “Topping from the bottom.” With Him, I am doing everything I can to avoid this behavior. I believe this came into play in prior relationships as I didn’t trust my partner at the time, and didn’t feel safe in our relationship.

With Him, I know that I am his priority. As long as I continue to serve His needs selflessly, He will always keep me safe and happy. I don’t feel the need to Top from the Bottom because I know that He is in control and I am safe in his care.

So often lately, I find myself frustrated with the ambiguity of not having a clearly defined relationship.

In the past, I waited for Him to use the word “girlfriend” before I understood really where His head was at. Even then, I struggled with the relationship and feeling secure in my role as I knew I was the “other woman”. In our current relationship, I’ve promised myself not to allow the same issues to undermine our bond any longer.

I’ve realized this time around, that while He prefers to not label things, having a label is important in communicating intent and commitment to your partner.

In overcoming my fear of His reactions and learning to communicate openly, I approached the subject with Him recently. His response was “We are in a relationship.” Knowing that He doesn’t appreciate being pinned down and would prefer not to label things, I left it at that. At some point I will ask Him for more clarity, but for now I am content with His response. When we broke up, He told me He was releasing me. He’s never made it clear to me since then that my collar is “back on”.

In the past, I took my role as submissive to mean that I was not allowed to ask for clear definition or explanations when I felt they were needed. However, I’ve learned, that sometimes it takes clearly defining your relationship to communicate commitment and intent to your partner.

This time around, I am focusing on not just serving Him, but on growing our relationship in a healthier direction. In asking Him for reassurance or definition at times, I am asking Him to help me find my direction. When I asked Him if he would want me to move, it wasn’t just because I wanted to stop assuming and know what His intentions were. I asked Him because I needed to know if there were other ways I could be serving Him that had previously been overlooked.

Service to Him doesn’t just mean I submit to Him in the bedroom. Service to Him means that I must be the woman who makes Him proud. I must carry myself in a way that reflects positively on Him. I must care for His mental and physical well being. I must take His goals and dreams into account and do everything I can to support His success. I must support His parenting and relationships with His children while also learning to defer to His judgement and partnership with my own daughter as well. I must stay focused on growing our relationship in a healthy direction so that we can both continue to enjoy the benefits of an open, happy D/s relationship.

Clear communication ensures that I am giving Him my full submission and serving Him in every way possible.