The more I am learning to be comfortable and open in my submission to Him, the more I am running into blatant misconceptions regarding submission. So often, people’s perception of submission is that of one of abuse. To be honest, this is insulting. My relationship with Him is built on trust, honesty, commitment and respect. There has never been even the hint of abuse in our bond.

The misperception that submissives are weak is the most insulting. I am a capable, independent, strong woman. I can manage all that life throws at me with grace and dignity. In no way does my submission to Him weaken me. If anything, it continues to feed my strength. To have such a capable and forceful man place His faith in me is powerful. The will to please Him drives me to continue to grow and face lifes challenges head on. My submission to Him requires great strength and grace, and I carry that responsibility proudly.

The idea that a submissive seeks to escape “real life” and responsibility is even worse. While there are some D/s dynamics, such as Daddy Dom/baby girl, which involve financial freedoms, ours is not that type of relationship. Ours is not a Master/slave dynamic, either. Yes, my Dominant owns me completely. This does not mean that I can use that as an escape. His gift of ownership means that I have even greater responsibilities. My service to Him involves great responsibility and care. There is hardly an escape from personal responsibility involved.

While many assume that sexual submission involves pain above all, most do not understand the deep connection brought by pleasure/pain stimulus. My sexual submission to Him is my choice, with my absolute consent. I enjoy the pain He inflicts upon me and the intense bond that it brings us. Nothing makes me happier than proudly wearing His marks on my body. It might surprise most “vanilla” types to learn that the majority of our making love does not involve pain, but is extremely pleasurable.

The idea that being a submissive requires me to follow Him mindlessly, without thought or opinions of my own is an insult. My Dominant does not require blind servitude and a lack of self. Rather, I trust Him to know and understand me well enough to consider my voice without even having to hear it. While I will defer to His judgement always, I am allowed to speak up when necessary. The difference between ours and a vanilla dynamic, is that I must do so with respect and deference to Him. When often emotions would win over and thoughtless words said, I am required to be loving and respectful at all times. To some this may be archaic, but it serves a beautiful purpose. Just as I must respect and honor Him, He chooses to do so for me as well. My submission and love for Him allows us both to behave appropriately even in the worst of circumstances.

So often, the perception is that submission is sexual only. While ours started as sexual submission only, it continues to grow and evolve as our relationship becomes stronger. While my submission to Him is not quite the level I would prefer it to be, I can look forward to my submission growing once we can live together. I look at my submission to Him as complete service. I enjoy looking after His every need, providing comfort and care to Him unlike anything He has previously experienced.

While so many may view submission as abusive, for me it is a deeper, more meaningful connection and bond that anything I experienced previously in my vanilla life. My submission to Him is a commitment far beyond conventional description, one in which I am infinitely proud of.

For me, there can be no submission without trust. We’ve seen this in the past when our relationship began to breakdown, it was all about a lack of trust and feeling unsafe in the relationship.

For me, I made the choice to trust Him completely after our first night together. He opened up to me about some difficult subjects, was unafraid to be His true self. He made me feel safe with Him in doing so, and that really is what opened up the door to everything else we have experienced.

Trust is being able to give Him my complete and unfiltered history, and not feeling judged or having that held against me. It’s the ability to share with Him all of my wrongs and feel unashamed of the road I took in my life before meeting Him. Trust is being able to understand what shape the people we are now, and giving each other grace when handling difficult moments in our life because of this.

Trust is being able to give myself to Him whole and complete. I am able to submit to Him because He truly understands me and is capable of caring for me in any situation. I can surrender to Him because of this trust, and that is completely unique for me. In every prior relationship of my life I have remained guarded in some aspect.

With Him, the trust we have enables me to be my complete self without fear.

The easy answer, and really one I think was covered in yesterday’s topic, is absolutely Yes!

The level of submission is always going to depend upon the Dominant. An undeserving Dominant is going to get superficial submission. Having a loving, committed Dominant who guides me is going to give me the opportunity to submit deeper than ever before.

I can’t submit casually for sure, and I’ve never been submissive with other women.

My current level of submission is entirely due to Him. I trust Him more than anyone in my life previously, and that gives me the opportunity to submit in ways I had only dreamed of before. I look forward to finding more opportunities to serve Him as our relationship continues to grow.

My submission has changed with each D/s relationship.

It started with dabbling, playing around with pleasure/pain stimulus and that’s about it. The D/s dynamic was for bedroom time only.

With each subsequent relationship my submission has grown and changed.

Ultimately, I think a submissive can only achieve true, deep submission with a Dominant who is fully capable of carrying that responsibility on their shoulders.

With Him, we never really dipped into D/s. We just jumped. He was ready and I wanted to explore what we would be capable of together.

Over the first few months our dynamic grew naturally. Each experience gave us lessons and insight that we could apply and move forward with. We’ve gone from just physical submission to complete submission, with now even plans to expand that eventually into 24/7 together.

To me, this natural evolution is one of the most appealing aspects of D/s relationships. It will never be the same, or grow stagnant. We are constantly learning about ourselves, growing our relationship, and moving forward. Even setbacks become lessons we can build a stronger foundation on.

I believe it is this natural evolution that actually has cemented my feelings for Him. There is no one else I would rather experience life with. I know that my submission to Him is a commitment unlike anything I ever thought possible in my life before Him, and that is a gift to treasure.

Why do I write?

Because I want my relationship with Him to last. Because I want to grow and learn and continue to improve our relationship and strengthen our bond together. Because knowing how I am as his submissive is just as important as understanding the best ways to serve Him.

Because being confident in who I am and the gifts that I can bring to Him is just as important as loving Him.

I write so that I can better understand myself, especially through difficult situations.

I write so that I can learn to be more comfortable with being transparent with Him always.

I write so that I can better explore difficult subject matter.

I write so that I can re-read my musings later and possibly expand upon the subjects when needed.

I write so that I can serve Him and love Him in ways that neither of us previously thought possible.

I write so that I can communicate clearly with Him in a respectful and loving manner.

I write so that we can both be healthy and happy, content in our relationship and my service to Him.

I write because in our previous relationship I felt unheard and taken for granted. Being a submissive does not mean losing my sense of self. Being a submissive means I have a greater responsibility to explore subjects that most “vanilla” relationships will not. Being a submissive means I must know myself, my limits and my worth always.

Sexual submission is where the D/s aspect of our relationship began, and I think it’s the most important for us.

To begin with, my submission to Him is unique. I could never submit to someone else, and He has agreed to be Dominant only with me. That isn’t to say that He can turn it off, but rather He directs His Dominance to me only.

If I didn’t submit to Him sexually, I doubt we would be together. Our compatibility sexually is important to me, and I am thankful that we seem to balance really well in that department.

Other submissives have shared with me that their Dominants demand they always be available and prepared for sex at His command. Some have told me this leads to them “faking it” as part of their submission.

I’ve never had to fake it. Luckily, I’m always ready for Him because I crave Him so much. He’s so in tune with me, that He would know in an instant were I to even attempt to fake my way through making love.

The best part of my relationship with Him is how connected to Him I feel when submitting to Him sexually. This is something we share only together. It’s time spent connecting on a level that most couples don’t get to experience. It’s trust on a level that I’ve never been able to share before. There is just no way to describe how unbelievably deep my sexual submission is for me.

He’s never made demands of me sexually that I wasn’t fully capable and willing to comply with. He naturally knows where my limits are and what I am capable of. He respects me, and cares for me, and even during scenes I can feel that from Him.

So yes, definitely, sexual submission is the core that we built our relationship around. I couldn’t be happier for it, too.

Although currently we don’t engage in financial submission, as our relationship grows I think we are moving in this direction.

To begin with, I enjoy managing things for Him. I know that there are tasks that He loathes, including managing the budget and bills.

Finances is the one area that I don’t believe there should be antonymous rule involved. Financial success, especially during times of stress or transition, is going to take absolute teamwork.

While I am happy to manage the budget and bills, I do believe it is important that He be closely involved. We should always communicate about goals, expenses, savings, etc. I can happily carry out any plan we have agreed upon, but I do not feel it is my place to make financial decisions without Him.

This will likely be the one area we will have to really work at to find a healthy balance. I have the impression He would prefer to just not worry about it and trusts me to manage the finances. I would prefer that He be an equal participant, at least in managing and planning. The day to day implementation should be my task.

The difficulty right now for us is managing finances in separate locations. We have outside factors that will affect our personal finances, and we need to work together in order to manage it all. Being in one house together will ease most of that burden. Until then, we will have to find what works.

In the long run, I would like to set goals for us such as taking all the children on one family trip each year. This would require budgeting, saving and planning for this trip far in advance. However, this may be the only time each year that all His children will be in the same place with Him. I feel that in service to Him, finding the way to make this happen for the family is vital.

I don’t know yet how I feel about sharing accounts, or combining finances and assets. I think that is something we will have to determine as we go. Where in past relationships I’ve not combined finances fully with anyone, I think with Him I am open to whatever needs to happen for the greater good of our partnership. I’ve learned from my prior relationships that being guarded in any area can undermine the relationship in other areas as well, and I would much rather submit to Him fully than risk losing Him because I was being stubborn.

I feel that service is the core of our relationship and the most important aspect of my submission.

Personally, I don’t think I fit the normal definition of a service submissive. I thrive on praise and positive recognition. I’m not a slave who can serve without any form of recognition or encouragement. I’m mindful to keep our relationship in what I feel are healthy D/s parameters, and having positive recognition for service is important to maintain healthy balance.

The difference for me, is that I feel service to Him is the basis of my responsibilities to Him.

Every day, I am working to be mindful of ways to serve Him. Whether in pleasing Him with my appearance, caring for His basic needs, or tackling something major for Him, my service to Him is how I convey to Him in actions what He means to me.

As our relationship grows, there is a lot I look forward to taking on in service to Him. This includes managing our home, our family, His medical care, doing whatever I can to assure that He is happy and healthy.

I’ve also learned that as a Dominant, He has His own forms of service as well. He encourages me, directs me, nurtures me in ways that I think are vital to our relationship. Even as a service oriented submissive, I still find that I need that care from Him in order to feel loved.

So while I would never expect Him to do anything like cook dinner for me, I do appreciate the different ways that our service to each other balances our relationship out.

My relationship with Him does include BDSM in our private life.

I am surprisingly open about my role in our relationship and our private dynamic. I find that the longer I serve Him, the less I feel embarrassed or ashamed of our D/s dynamic. The same can be said for the role BDSM plays in our sex life.

From the very beginning, our sex life has been incredibly exciting and fulfilling for me. I think this is because with Him, I am completely content. He is the only partner I have ever had who I have been able to trust so completely.

I appreciate that he protects the BDSM side of our relationship and doesn’t share that with others. Keeping this aspect sacred and just between us, in my opinion, intensifies that experience for us both. I need that emotional connection with Him in order to submit mentally and physically.

He is very thoughtful and patient during a scene. He never loses focus, is always attentive and aware of how I am handling the scene, and in the end makes sure that we are both connecting and fulfilled. His aftercare is perfect. I’ve never had a partner who was so compatible with what I want and need from BDSM before I met Him.

Today was a struggle.

I questioned today whether my relationship with Him is balanced. Whether I am receiving the things that I need from Him, and if He is receiving the things He needs from me.

As a submissive, when is it ok to question your relationship or even your Dominant? Is it acceptable to step back and look at the situation objectively and determine if as a partnership the relationship is healthy and meeting each other’s needs?

I would say it is never ok to question Him or His authority. However, assessing the relationship overall is a good thing.

If we were only playing at D/s occasionally in the bedroom, I don’t think these reflections would be so important. However, as we are attempting to move our relationship into a healthier direction and have more long term goals, I think reflecting on the health of our bond overall is incredibly important.

I don’t believe this is questioning Him, but rather determining if we are doing the best we can do under the current circumstances to care for each other.

The answer right now?

No. I don’t think we are giving each other the care that we should.

I think that I have focused on meeting His physical needs by providing others for Him, and I’ve focused on solving some of His smaller issues and managing minor daily tasks for Him where possible. However, I haven’t taken into account the care that He needs from me in order to feel safe and calm. I put myself in a situation that worried Him, and caused Him to doubt my faith to Him. I failed to take into consideration how hard a situation like that could be for Him and what a strain that stress would put on His health.

Do I feel that He is meeting my needs? Currently, the answer would honestly be no. He is communicating with me, and reassuring me. However, I asked something specific from Him and while at first He agreed, He later said He couldn’t give me what I needed at the moment. I’m finding that makes me feel put off, and even makes me feel that my own efforts at supporting Him are useless and only going to drain me mentally and physically without any consideration for myself.

HOWEVER. And yes, there is a big however.

I do feel that the more He allows me to help Him, the more He opens up and allows me to take on, the more that He will be able to make room for what I asked for. The better I am able to serve Him, the more I hope He will consider my needs as well.

I was contemplating this subject this evening while driving, and as I questioning how to proceed, the universe threw me a sign.

“Be a fountain, not a drain.”

This was literally a sign on the side of the freeway. A billboard, with no advertising other than this quote. Nothing pointing to what person would pay so much money in advertising fee’s to put such a thoughtful but simple quote alongside one of the busiest freeways in southern California.

How perfectly timed it was to drive by the sign at that very moment.

The reality is, in order to ask Him to make room for the things that I need most from Him, I have to give Him what he needs most from me. I need to serve Him in such a way that it alleviates His stresses, and frees Him to find a balance in our relationship for me.

I have to give Him everything possible, serve Him in such a way that He never thought was possible, in order for Him to have room for me as well.

So while I was feeling lost and depressed about our relationship, the universe stepped in to remind me that the only way to fix our issues is to focus on Him, serving Him and loving Him as best as I can. As long as I am being a fountain for Him, our relationship will balance out in the long run.